Online dating, chapter 8: I can’t cringe any harder.

Remember the guy I was emailing at the end of my post about profiles?

Just so we’re on the same page, here’s our entire exchange, with no editing on my part, including the message I got from him this morning.

Wednesday, February 26
From: Dude
Subject: friendly hello
Message: I glanced at your profile and now I’m curious,If you could do anything in the world without the chance of failure what would you do

Wednesday, February 26
From: me
Subject: (blank, but Match populated it with:) Without a chance of
Message: Without a chance of failure – I’d volunteer as the Communications Manager on Mercy Ships for a year. I’d be great at the job, but I can’t do it because of the risk of financial failure.

I don’t think you’d be a big fan of mine. I’m not conservative (or liberal. I hate politics), and I’m not willing to convert to Mormonism. Just want to make sure that’s obvious.

Thursday, February 27
From: Dude
Subject: Without a chance of
Message: That does sound like an amazing job being apart of a cruise ship having new experiences every single day seeing new places and meeting amazing people that would be so great. I love to volunteer and give back as much as possible. Mormonism? I’m not a Mormon I love the lord and attend church. I also hate politics and not really into it all that much. Are you sure you didn’t mix my profile up with someone else?

So where was the last place you traveled?

Friday, March 7
From: Dude
Subject: Without a chance of
Message: What happened? I just realized that we were totally flowing and then our busy lives got in the way! You wanna hear something funny and embarrassing (can’t believe I’m telling you this)…I get this goofy smile on my face when I write messages to you. How dare you make me smile! I’m not sure why I’m smiling, I mean I wasn’t given an instruction manual on how to be human. Ok, I’ve said WAY too much, and it’s YOUR fault!

Hey, Dude, did you copy and paste that from 50 Shades of Grey?



  1. Wow! You’re brutal! It ain’t easy being a guy and having to compete with scripted lines from television and movies. Maybe he’s clumsy or awkward. Maybe he’s trying to make an impression. Maybe he doesn’t know where the Shift button is so he can capitalize words like “Lord.” Maybe he doesn’t know what a run-on sentence is.

    You need to go with your instincts but make sure fear isn’t ruling out men that you could get to know and block later on!

    OK, I’ll mind my own business now.



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